you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
