Just cropdusted the office
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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