I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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