Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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