I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
