I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
