I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
