Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
can u get pink eye on your cock?
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
