just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
