Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Randomize
