Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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