I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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