maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
She needs sedatives and a leash
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
