What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
