I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
