Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
