Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
