Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
