ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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