I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Randomize
