I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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