So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Still dying that you shit outside
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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