You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
