Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
