Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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