But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
We named our party play list daddy issues
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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