my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I still have a little drunk in my system
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
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