dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Randomize
