I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Someone signed my nipple.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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