i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
