Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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