community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Randomize
