Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
