I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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