You're completely useless in the revolution.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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