Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
