You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
