Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
