The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
