She said her name was "party"
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
