I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
thus making me awesome and them whores
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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