dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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