I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Randomize
