you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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