Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
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