508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
