12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
You are the jesus of drinking
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
