honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
