Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
