I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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